the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
now i know why i became what i already was.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
