maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
