last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
