My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize