Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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