if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
