I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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