Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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