I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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