His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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