A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
