When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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