We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
