dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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