Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
