He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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