im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
