her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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