How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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