she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
