So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you win again, gameday.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
