so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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