Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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