everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
