my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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