I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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