I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
