I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
