I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
