So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
