I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
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He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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