I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
