I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
