There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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