I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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