And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
