woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
