my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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