guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
