Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
