If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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