pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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