I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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