I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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