a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
where does the pee come out of this thing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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