Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
