I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
