I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
