i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
