His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We have started to decorate penises.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
