Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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