then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
