I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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