you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
