we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
