1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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