Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
