Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
