so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
