i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
