I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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