I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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